Awkward Conversation
by tofu-rox
Summary: Coming out of the closet is never easy. One-sided Kogan, both-sided if you squint.


"Where is Kendall?" Carlos whined. He was getting hungry. Kendall always had breakfast on the table by now, whenever Karoline was out. Logan, Carlos and James were sitting at the kitchen apartment, while Katie was at the pool, and Karoline (Katie and Kendall's mom) was, well, somewhere. Kendall was still asleep in the room that all of the boys shared; which was odd because Kendall was usually the first person awake in the mornings. James was normally the one sleeping all day.

"I'll go get him," Logan sighed. He was starving as well.

The bedroom was set up simply enough. Shoved against the left wall was a bunk bed, and shoved against the right was a queen-size bed (not that the boys knew this, they just called it the 'big bed'). Seeing as everyone except Carlos was afraid of heights, Carlos got the top bunk, while James called the bottom bunk (which Logan was not happy about). So, by default, Logan and Kendal shared the queen bed. Not that either of them minded. All four of them were so used to close contact from hockey that no one was surprised if they had their arms slung around another's shoulders when walking down the street, or if they sat very close to one another on the couch. This had stopped since they had come to LA, though. The people living there didn't seem to understand that the close contact didn't mean anything like that, judging from the odd stares they got.

Kendall was laying in the middle of the bed him and Logan shared, wide awake with iPod earbuds in his ear. Logan sat on the edge of the bed next to him. Kendall pulled out the ear buds to talk to his decidedly best friend.

"Why are you still in here?" Logan stared at Kendall, who definitely wasn't one to "waste away the day in bed," as Kendall himself so eloquently put it when they first arrived in LA. Kendall shrugged, avoiding Logan's chocolate brown eyes, knowing that if he locked gazes he would spill everything, everything he prided himself on hiding. But he was going to tell them all anyways, so what did it matter?

Of course, there was that other little detail he would still hide; the one thing he knew he would tell to Logan and only Logan, the reason he'd always known that this day would come.

"Kendall, dammit, you're scaring me," the gentle tone of Logan's voice took the bite out of his words. Kendall glanced up, so his eyes were trained close enough to Logan that he wouldn't be suspicious.

"Sorry. I'll be there in a minute." Kendall sat up and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands. He stood up, holding onto the side of the bed for support. He felt nauseous. Seeing Logan still in the room, Kendall rolled his eyes. "As much as I would enjoy stripping for you, I doubt you would be a willing audience member." Logan punched his arm before finally leaving him alone again.

Kendall sighed as the door closed, running a hand through his short, dirty blond hair. Maybe he shouldn't have said that, about stripping. Logan might take it seriously. He sighed again, before grabbing his clothes and figuring out how to phrase the words that would most likely change the relationship he had with his best friends.

* * *

Kendall came out to breakfast about ten minutes later, look insanely nervous. "Hey," was all he said before practically running to the refrigerator and starting breakfast. Ten minutes later, pancakes were served up to the boys of Big Time Rush, and Kendall was mentally forgiven for being late.

"Guys?" Kendall whispered suddenly. All three of them looked up at him, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. "I-I'm gay," he continued, tensing as he waited for the disgust on their faces.

To his shock, Carlos just rolled his eyes and smirked, James reached into his pocket, and Logan said, "'Bout damn time you admitted it!"

Kendall blinked. "Wait, you guys knew?" Logan rolled his eyes."

"Only since the 6th grade, Ken-doll." Kendall shook his head. His second biggest secret and they already knew. And the fact that he'd only admitted that he was gay in the 8th grade wasn't too shocking either. He was used to Logan knowing him better than he knew himself.

"Nu-uh James! It was twenty bucks!" Carlos cried, dangling a ten dollar bill in James' face. Kendall looked questioningly at Logan, whom in turn only shrugged.

"It was ten!" James insisted, though it was painfully obvious he was lying.

"James." Carlos warned, securing his ever-present helmet. James glared at Carlos for a moment before sighing and pulling out another ten.

"What was that about?" Kendall and Logan asked simultaneously.

Seeing James was too irritated to answer, Carlos responded, "Three years ago, James and I made a bet. I thought Kendall would come out first, but James thought Logan would. I was, obviously, right, so I get twenty bucks!" Carlos looked smug.

"James thought I would what first?" Logan looked confused. Carlos looked at him like he was stupid.

"Aren't you supposed to be the smart one? James thought you would come out first." Carlos rolled him eyes while Logan blinked in shock.

"Um, Carlos, I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm not gay." Logan finally replied, after a sustained awkward silence.

"But you are, my friend. Even if you don't know it." Logan was silent, jaw dropped to the floor as James nodded in agreement.

"What even makes you guys think I'm gay?" Logan muttered, still shell-shocked.

"We just _know_, like you knew with Kendall. It took us years to figure out he was gay." James chimed in, over his lost money and losing bet.

Logan shook his head and went back to eating his yummy pancakes.

* * *

"Kendall?" Logan murmured softly. Kendall and Logan were setting up the couch and TV for the boys' weekly movie night, while Carlos and James went out to buy popcorn and rent a DVD (because OnDemand was forbidden, a long story on its own).

"Hmm?" Kendall glanced up from the pillow he had been rearranging. He was very obsessive with where the pillows were. Logan looked very uncomfortable.

"Umm…did you agree with them? About me being gay?" Kendall was silent for a moment.

"Yeah," Kendall said, avoiding Logan's eyes for now one more reason. "I-I've thought you were gay for a few years."

"Why?!" was Logan's immediate response.

"Well…you've never paid much attention to girls, you always enjoy a guy's company more, and you only half-heartedly participate in the 'Girl Wars' over Jo and the Jennifers." Kendall explained, staring fixedly at the wall beside Logan's head.

"Why won't you look into my eyes?" Kendall visibly stiffened. He could've sworn Logan hadn't noticed.

"You're keeping something from me." Logan continued, his eyes searching Kendall's face as a hint to what. "Now, what can it be?" Kendall had now locked gazes with the pillow.

"Dude, no secrets. We made that rule years ago." Logan was starting to get annoyed.

"You had no problem with me keeping the fact that I was gay a secret." Kendal's voice was like ice.

"We all knew anyways," Logan sounded exasperated, which he was.

"It's nothing." Kendall stated, his voice somehow unwavering.

"It's obviously something, for you to try this hard to keep it from even me!" Logan snapped.

"What makes you think you're so special, huh? Maybe everyone else already knows, and only you don't! What makes you think I'd tell you anything, let alone everything!" Kendall looked up into Logan's eyes just in time to catch the flash of hurt that sped through them. Kendall closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. "I'm sorry, Logie. You're right; you are the first person I tell anything and everything," he mumbled.

"Good," Logan said. "Now tell me this."

Kendall sighed. "I-I can't. This time, I can't."

"Why?" Logan sounded desperate. It took everything Kendall had not to look up at Logan again.

"Because, it-"

"Hey, hey! We've got GI Joe, and fattening movie popcorn!" Carlos called excitedly from the front door of the apartment.

Logan gave Kendall a look that clearly indicated _We'll continue this later._ Kendall nodded sadly; knowing what peace his friend had with him being gay would be shattered too soon.

* * *

Two hours, and many popcorn fights and laughing at bad sound effects, later, Kendall and Logan were alone in the living room again. James had gone to bed as soon as the movie ended, while Carlos had nodded off unintentionally so many times Kendall and Logan had insisted he sleep. Both Kendall and Logan were still wide awake; one in anticipation, one in dread. Logan turned to Kendall.

"Well?" Logan was wasting no time, and Kendall knew it. Kendall sighed, wishing Logan a nice life with him completely cut out of it.

"What won't you tell me?" Logan added, sensing Kendall's hesitation.

"The reason I knew for sure I was gay." Kendall muttered. Logan waited.

"Which is?" Logan prompted. Kendall squeezed his eyes shut.

"The reason I knew for sure I was gay was that I've always liked…this guy." Kendall had realized at the last moment that if he didn't specify _who_, he could still salvage their friendship.

"Oh." Logan sounded thoughtful. "Do I know him?"

Kendall nodded. "You know him."

"Did you ever tell him?" Logan now sounded curious, which was a very bad sign. It meant he would ask questions, ones Kendall couldn't -wouldn't- answer. Kendall shook his head vigorously.

"No. He'd go running for the hills, and I couldn't stand that." Logan frowned, and his eyebrows knitted together. That was when Kendall realized his mistake. Not only had he spoken in the present tense, indicating he still knew this boy, but he had once told the members of Big Time Rush that they were his only friends he really couldn't live without.

"Is it James?" Logan asked, completely unfazed. Kendall shook his head. "So it's Carlos?" It still sounded like a question. Again, Kendall shook his head. Logan looked stumped. Then his eyes widened in realization.

"I-It's me?" Kendall didn't move, terrified of his best friend's response. He really didn't want to lose Logan.

Logan was silent for a while, before nodding and saying, "Okay." He suddenly grinned wickedly. "You really thought I would 'run for the hills'?"

Kendall turned bright red. "Shut up, Logie."

Logan laughed. "As soon as you do, Ken-doll."

Okay, tell me what you think, please. Any sort of review is fine. Do you think I should continue it, or leave it like this? Thank you for reading!


End file.
